Getting Hooked by 12 Possible Stories and an Ugly Beach Ball (ACT exercise).
Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) helps us understand the stories or themes that "hook" us. When we get "hooked" by a theme in our lives, strong negative emotions are triggered, and we automatically make conscious or unconscious efforts to pull away or avoid. The problem is that avoidance is a trickster. It helps us feel better in the very short term. However, like most quick fixes, these problems add up. We carry them in our bodies and spend tremendous amounts of energy pushing them back into the recesses of our minds.
Imagine that you are obscenely wealthy and have just built an amazing indoor swimming pool complete with a rock waterfall. You dip into the pool for a lovely swim when you notice an ugly beach ball in the pool. Swimming over to it, you put your hands around it and submerge it underwater. Looking around, you are initially pleased. That ugly ball is underwater and out of your sight. Woo-hoo! However, you quickly notice that the energy it takes to keep that ball out of your field of vision begins to impede your ability to swim around and enjoy your beautiful new pool. This is much like how repression and avoidance of uncomfortable thoughts and feelings work. ACT teaches us to unhook from these undesirable emotional and thinking states. When we can face these difficulties, we can move through them instead of unsuccessfully attempting to bury them.
Fortunately for us, there are 12 basic themes or stories in which most of our uncomfortable thoughts and feelings arise. Most of us don't struggle with all of these themes. Take a minute to look at this list and identify the ones that you struggle with:
Not Good Enough: Thoughts and feelings linked to the idea/belief that you are defective, damaged, unworthy, unlovable, stupid, inferior, 'nobody,' and so on.
No One Cares: Thoughts and feelings linked to the idea/belief that others are uncaring and can't or won't understand, support, guide, help, protect, or care for you.
Perfectionism: Thoughts and feelings linked to the idea/belief that you must always do things perfectly or to an extremely high standard - and if you don't, you're bad or unworthy.
Reject or Abandon: Thoughts and feelings linked to the idea/belief that relationships are fragile or destined to fail; that others will reject you or abandon you; that ultimately you'll be alone.
Can't Do It: Thoughts and feelings linked to the idea/belief that you can't do things or are likely to fail because you're incompetent or defective; or you lack qualities such as discipline, willpower, or self-control; or you need someone else to help/support you - you can't do it alone or independently.
People Pleasing: Thoughts and feelings linked to the idea/belief that you have to please others, keep them happy, submit to their will, or put their needs in front of yours.
Superiority: Thoughts and feelings linked to the idea/belief that you are superior to others in various ways, entitled to special treatment, or exempt from the same rules as everyone else.
Life Sucks: Thoughts and feelings linked to the idea/belief that life is basically bad. The world is a bad place, people are basically bad, and there is little to be positive about.
Don't Trust!: Thoughts and feelings linked to the idea/belief that others are basically untrustworthy: dangerous, deceitful, manipulative, unreliable, etc. One way or another, they will hurt, disappoint, or betray you.
Not Safe: Thoughts and feelings linked to the idea/belief that life, the world, other people are dangerous or unpredictable, and you are at risk, not safe.
Need Approval: Thoughts and feelings linked to the idea/belief that you must have approval, positive feedback, recognition, or praise from others, even at the cost of being true to yourself.
Tough Punishment: Thoughts and feelings linked to the idea/belief that it's necessary to be harsh, judgmental, and punitive when people make mistakes, fail, or have shortcomings.
ACT teaches us a variety of "unhooking" skills to help us cope with uncomfortable or even painful thoughts and feelings without burying them. "The only way out is through."
